I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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