If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
