i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
