so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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