My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
