I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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