I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
