just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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