i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
