i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
