I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
