Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
