In America we eat man semen.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
