its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
