The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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