Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
