just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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