Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
