im about as happy as oj after his trial
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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