My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
