Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My hand turned me down
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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