ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
