it hurts more in the daytime
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
