i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I could fuck to npr.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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