dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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