That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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