My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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