I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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