its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
