If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
love makes seman taste better
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
