You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
