So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
