barbara walters just said penis...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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