my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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