4 words: hood of his car
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
