I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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