why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
