I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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