Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
