Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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