we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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