Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
