I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
