i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
