Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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