listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
