so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
