I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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