well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
