My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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