he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
