pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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