So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
