I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He passed out mid-signature
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
