Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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